GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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