I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
