Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
