i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
