Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize