As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
