Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
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why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
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And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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