my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize