Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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