My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
