clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You're like the curious george of whores
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
