you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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