is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
