She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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