I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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