it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
