I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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