I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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