My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
