you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
