I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
