the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
