Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Randomize
