Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
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For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
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Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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