Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
