Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I lost the right to judge tonight
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
