No awkward lesbian experiences without me
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
