Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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