Betty ford says i'm here all night
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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