If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
