Will you blow on my dice?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
