so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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