so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
These 17 People Made Horrible Decisions That Ruined Their Lives
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.