Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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