you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
