The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
They are going to name an STD after you.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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