1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
well you can't waste a boner
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
