weddingsv make me drug and hornr
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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