My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
