He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
