when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
wow bdsm is so cute
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
