im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
