You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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