if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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