What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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