Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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