he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
