went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
