I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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