How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
