Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
