They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
