Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
