dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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