I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
