I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
