I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
