My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
