I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
