You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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